Romance and Estate Planning: The Risks of Love After 50

The longer you live, the more baggage you accumulate. Some of it is emotional. Some of it is financial. And some of it comes with names like ex-spouses, stepchildren, alimony, retirement accounts, and who’s paying for your long-term care.

By the time you reach your 50s or 60s, you don’t just fall in love with someone. You fall in love with someone who has a past. And you bring your own past with you, including children, exes, assets, debts, obligations, or carefully laid estate plans.

That’s when things can get complicated.

Imagine you’re a man who was widowed after a long marriage. You and your late spouse raised kids, bought a home, built retirement accounts, maybe even had a pension and life insurance. Financially, you’re okay. Emotionally? You’re lonely. So, you try your hand at online dating. You survive a gauntlet of awkward conversations, questionable photos, and probable catfishing. Eventually you meet someone you genuinely like.

There’s just one problem.

You find her attractive, but she isn’t your financial equal. Maybe she has a little money. Maybe she has none. Maybe her charming smile is her greatest asset. But you’re in love. You want to marry her.

If you’re lucky, a friend who cares about you will suggest that you see an attorney just to make sure you have your ducks in a row.

An attorney may suggest a prenuptial agreement to keep your assets protected. And you may agree. But here’s what most people don’t realize: prenuptial agreements don’t protect you from everything. Prenuptial agreements don’t protect you from long-term care costs.

Here’s how it works. When you get married, you take on a legal duty to support your spouse. That means if your new spouse develops Alzheimer’s disease, Parkinson’s, or needs nursing home care that costs $12,000 a month, the state may look to you and your assets to pay the bill. Medicaid doesn’t care that you signed a prenup. It looks at the household. And in many states, including Georgia, spouses can be held financially responsible for each other.

This is how late-in-life love can quietly turn into financial devastation.

Here’s a cautionary tale. A woman in her late 70s (let’s call her Maxine) had married her second husband when she was in her mid 60s. Shortly after the wedding, her new husband gave his property to his children.

Maxine didn’t think anything of it at the time. But a few years later, after her husband developed dementia, she realized that she had a problem. The property that her husband had given to his children was no longer available to help fund his long-term care expenses. His children wouldn’t return the property so the asset could be used to pay for care.

The result? Maxine had to foot the bill using money from her own estate. Naturally, Maxine’s children were enraged.

Maxine’s story sheds light on a problem I have seen play out in more than a few blended families. One spouse falls ill, the other drains their savings to pay for care, and when it’s over, the children from the first marriage are left wondering where the inheritance went. No one intended this outcome. It just… happened.

Even if everyone stays healthy, remarriage can ignite family conflict. This isn’t just a soap-opera plotline. Dad remarries. Dad dies. The new spouse inherits everything. The kids from the first marriage feel betrayed. Or worse, Dad is still alive but has dementia, and the children and new spouse end up in a legal and emotional tug-of-war over care decisions and money. Casey Kasem and Buzz Aldrin became famous examples of this kind of family fracture.

So, you might find yourself wondering: Is it smarter to just live together instead of getting married?

For some couples, the answer is yes. Cohabitation allows love, companionship, and shared life without automatically creating financial and legal obligations. For others, marriage makes sense, but only with careful planning that accounts for children, assets, income, and the very real possibility of long-term care.

And then there’s the money question. Some people over age 50 are financially vulnerable and may see marriage as stability. Others are financially secure and need to protect what they’ve built. When one partner has much more than the other, love and money can become tangled in uncomfortable ways.

The old saying omnia vincit amore (love conquers all) sounds beautiful. But love doesn’t pay nursing home bills. Love doesn’t resolve Medicaid rules. And love doesn’t automatically keep families from fighting.

That’s why, if you’re falling in love later in life, the smartest thing you can do is talk to an elder law attorney before you walk down the aisle. Romance may be timeless, but your finances, your children, and your future deserve clear-eyed protection.